Things I Now Know Are True
Immediately after we lost John and Cynthia in 2012 we received an outpouring of calls and cards from our family and friends. Every single one of them touched and humbled us while also giving us strength to move forward. But the most remarkable was a letter I received from one of my closest friends, Jenny. Hard to believe, but she had been through this kind of loss twice before with her sister and her sister-in-law. What was most profound about the letter she wrote me was how the words came to her. It was almost like she was being guided to write them. I believed it then and I believe it even more now. And if this blog is here to truly help others, I have to share these words forward. I wish I could share them with every person who has lost a child. Here is the letter:
Things I Know Are True
People will say and do stupid things during this time.
They don’t mean to add to your pain.
Some will be your closest friends and family.
You will place blame on yourself even though logically you know none of this is your fault.
Welcome to motherhood!
No one will be able to tell you any differently.
Everyone who loves you will try their hardest to help you through the waves of pain, loss, regret, anger, blame and sadness.
They will want you to be better right away for their own comfort.
These feelings are part of YOUR process. Don’t rush through them or feel pressure to be okay for anyone but yourself.
Your babies will always be your children. You’ll keep their memories in your heart forever.
You will honor the day of their conceptions, the day of their birth, and you’ll remember them always and forever. In time these memories will be happy ones too.
Your children were blessed to have you both as parents.
The entire time your babies were with you they felt your love, appreciation and protection.
This fostered their souls and allowed them to feel safe under your loving care.
They will now do the same for you.
Hundreds of thousands of parents have gone through experiences similar to yours. Hundreds of thousands of parents will go through this in the future. It’s not their fault.
Its not your fault either.
You’re not alone.
You’re stronger than you think you are; you’re stronger still because of this experience.
You are a remarkable woman.
You are a nurturing, loving mother.